Candy and Cavities

I tend to have a pretty bad habit when I go out to the bar. I drink too much, make bad decisions, and then wonder why the hell I can't get life right.

I also have a nasty habit of comparing myself to others which leads me to feel inadequate in almost everything.

Last week at the bar, one of my coworkers had two drinks, called her finance to ensure that she was alright, and then went home.

As I stood in the dark crowded room, I came across the realization that I drink too much because I don't have anyone waiting for me. Being a dramatic drunk drama queen, I rationalized I drink because no one loves me. Even worse, after thinking about that for a while, I concluded that I drink a lot because I don't like me.

Gone are the days of sorority glitter, copious amounts of friends, and positive views of the future. I feel like I'm living a watered down version of my life. I'm not making a significant impact in the world, I have no idea what I'm doing, and I hate that I care so much about others' perceptions of me.

The hardest part about self love is that no one tells you how to cultivate it. There are the sayings such as, "Treat yo self" and "self respect is important" but no one dives further into what those actually mean. For the purpose of this blog I have created simple definitions of these words:

Self love: Loving oneself emotionally, mentally, physically, and socially

Self respect: Knowing your values (intrinsically and extrinsically), ideologies, and self. and then taking this information and defending it against other's views and contrary opinions.

Self love and self respect are shoelaces tied together, separate and useless or codependent and problem solvers. Self love can't exist without self respect. Furthermore, self respect can't exist without a knowledge in one's self, also known as self awareness.

I am not making the argument that people who are not self aware can't be happy; rather that in order to fully understand, appreciate, and love yourself there needs to be awareness and respect towards yourself.

Similar to Bloom's taxonomy chart, self work is a progression that starts on a basic level and builds upon previous knowledge. In You are a Badass, Sincero describes our limiting beliefs are formed from subconscious thoughts. She states, "No matter what you say you want, if you've got an underlying subconscious belief that it's going to cause you pain or isn't available to you, you either A.) Won't let yourself have it, or B.) You will let yourself have it, but you'll be rill fucked up about it. And then you'll go off and lose it anyway." Understanding what beliefs we have and challenging them is vital to self growth. Also many of our subconscious beliefs are developed to help us make the right decision, but they hold us back from what we truly desire.

Similar to candy and cavities, our subconscious thinks it's giving us what we want (candy) when in fact what we want is't what we desire so the ultimate result is negative rather than positive (cavities).

As 2018 is approaching, my resolution is to continue to create a healthy lifestyle for myself and to lay a strong foundation for self love and appreciation. My goals for this upcoming week are to document my limiting beliefs and stop holding myself back.