Stop the Hate

Aside from me being able to create a catchy post title, I am going to say this loud and clear: Stop the war with yourself. And all you perfectionists know exactly what I'm talking about.

Clear examples:

"91% on a test... I really should have studied harder; I'm an idiot."

"I've gained 6lbs since the summer. I need to get back into the gym."

"Why the hell can't I get anything right in my life?"

"Why can't my face clear up?"

"Why didn't my lesson plan go well? What's wrong with me? Am I a bad teacher? I need to fix myself right now."

"I missed my appointment. Now she will hate me. I can't do one thing correct."

"I'm not doing X,Y,Z perfectly which is why I hate myself."

"I'm not pretty, smart, funny, creative, enough; no wonder why I don't have a boyfriend."

The negative self talk not only breeds negativity towards yourself, but it also brings everyone else around you in a negative bubble too. Plus if you continue with self-sabotaging comments, they become truths in your subconscious brain, playing into aspects of your life in ways you don't even realize. A perfect example was after my high school/ early college romantic break up. Because I was cheated on, I internalized the thoughts that I was unlovable, not worthy of a guy's time, and overall a mess when it came to love. Which is why I stayed single for my entire college career and scared myself out of any potential suitors. It took me multiple self-help books, time, and some serious cleaning out my brain. I changed limiting beliefs and self-defeating behavior. t I began to accept myself and to challenge preexisting notions about my thoughts on guys, relationships, and love.

Newsflash: Hating yourself is not going to get you the job, the relationship, the body, or the lifestyle you are trying to achieve.

In both of Jen Sincero's books she discusses the vital importance of changing our thought processes, changing our language towards the ruts in our lives, and fully examining our limiting beliefs in order to move forward. In a previous blog post, Candy and Cavities, I create the comparison of self love and self respect as two shoelaces intertwined. Similar to self love and self respect, thoughts and words are also shoe laces tied together. These shoe laces are the power and agency towards creating the change you want to see in your life. Think of the entire shoe as the steps needed to take forward into your new self, new life, and new found happiness. You can't walk forward if your shoelaces are untied. You will trip and fall. Same goes for taking steps into the direction you want to move. You can't move until you give yourself the ability to move.

Note: While you may be not saying self-deprecating comments aloud, thinking them to yourself over and over isn't going to fix anything either. It's got to be a mindset change.

Specifically as women, why do we do this to ourselves?! We sit around, analyze others' lives (usually through social media), compare ourselves, and never measure up to the Photoshopped pictures.

In high school and college I never measured up to my level of *bullshit* standards I set for myself: 4.0 gpa, size 6, blonde hair and nails always done, always happy never grouchy, kind towards all, working a part time job while going to school and participating in a hundred extracurriculars etc. The sad part about these so called standards is that they are widely accepted. It's also widely acceptable to be a self-torturing monster.

Why is it when we look at others we see beauty, potential, creativity, logic, and kindness, but we fail to see these qualities in ourselves? Why do we desire to reach a standard without setting clear goals for ourselves, focus on a growth mindset, and shaking off the false ideas we have about ourselves?

As a population, we need to stop the war on ourselves, realize that no one is inherently perfect, and take action towards creating the life we want to live. Each one of us has the power to make a change if we take the initial steps and follow through.

"We are at our most powerful the moment we realize we no longer need to be powerful." Eric Micha'el Leventhal